Leadership, Self-awareness & Joy
Ever wondered why some bosses are both more likeable and more effective? Their secret may be a cluster of skills known collectively as “emotional intelligence.”
Leaders with high emotional intelligence” (EI) are better equipped to build strong relationships, foster teamwork and navigate challenging situations with finesse,” executive coach Naphtali Hoff wrote in SmartBrief. Research shows that today’s workers seek bosses who actively listen, display empathy and understand the role emotions play at work.
Self-awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence -- the key to developing all other EI skills, according to Daniel Goleman, psychologist and best-selling author of several books on emotional intelligence.
Speaking on LInkedIn about his new book Optimal: How to Sustain Personal and Organizational Excellence, Goleman said, “Managing your own turbulent emotions is a key part of emotional intelligence…. Leaders who can keep their upsets under control while marshaling a positive outlook can radiate a contagious calm and help everyone keep their eye on the goals that matter most.”
It's possible to increase our self-awareness and, in so doing, our leadership abilities. Below are a few suggestions. First, let’s review what’s meant by “EI.”
According to Goleman, there are four “domains” and 12 “competencies” of emotional intelligence. The first two domains are internally directed. Closely related to Self-awareness is Self-management, which includes emotional self-control, adaptability, achievement orientation and positive outlook. Next time I’ll discuss the externally oriented domains of Social Awareness and Relationship Management.
Why Self-awareness Matters
Key benefits of self-awareness and self-management are better relationships and more joy. When we’re aware of our tendencies to react unhelpfully and become better able to manage our responses, we can behave more skillfully and do less harm in our relationships. Instead of a knee-jerk sarcastic retort -- something I’m trying to avoid -- we may be able to pause after a triggering comment or behavior.
Another benefit of high self-awareness is the ability to match how we see ourselves with how trusted others see us, giving us a more realistic sense of our limits and strengths. There are other benefits, too.
Awhile back, I was coaching a colleague facing an important decision in his long career. As he described multiple directions he might take, I heard confusion and anxiety. He worried he might make the wrong choice. I sensed he’d be well-served by getting in touch with his internal compass. After a brief values clarification exercise, he relaxed. He said he now knew which options aligned with his purpose and goals, so he could narrow his choices.
This story highlights another benefit of self-awareness – the ability to align decisions with core values and understand how each step advances our long-term vision and goals – or doesn’t.
Last but not least, being self-aware and able to manage our emotions facilitate optimal states of mind (a concept related to but more accessible than “flow”). According to Goleman, in such a positive mental space, we’re able to avoid the distraction of upsetting emotions, fully commit to a task, perform our best work and enjoy ourself.
Ways to Boost Self-awareness
It’s possible to train your mind like you train a muscle. Mindfulness meditation is an excellent way to improve our self-awareness skills. Journaling and taking time regularly for self-reflection are other ways to train the mind to better understand our motivations, attitudes and behaviors. Awareness is the first step to changing our behavior and improving our leadership skills.