Apply the Four Tendencies to Ease Friction
Last time, I introduced Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies (4T) framework -- the different ways we respond to others' requests and expectations, as well as our own. Here I’ll offer ideas for getting the most from our teams by customizing how we work with each person’s tendency. First a brief story.
Years before the COVID pandemic normalized work-from-home, “Mary”—the deputy director of a nonprofit -- came to me for help with work-life balance. She also sought support managing the group’s new development director (DD) who had been a long-time consultant.
In our coaching sessions, Mary described how the new DD regularly pushed her buttons by working from home without asking and taking trips before she’d accrued vacation time.
If Mary (Obliger) and the DD (Rebel) had been familiar with 4T strategies that capitalize on the strengths of each tendency while minimizing their challenges, they probably would have made a great team.
How to Get the Most from Your Own and Others’ Tendencies
The 4T framework purports that we wear different lenses when we think about and pursue goals. This matters because working well with others requires us to be open to learning what they value and what motivates them. If we assume everyone else shares our own attitudes and behaviors, we're likely to encounter friction. The 4T framework enables us to design ways to more effectively collaborate with staff members who are innately different from us. Here are just a few ideas for supervisors of people with different tendencies:
Obligers: Obligers are motivated to meet external expectations but tend to under-prioritize their own needs. If you’re the boss, offer your Obliger team members clear, detailed direction and regular feedback. If you do, they will do their utmost to deliver. But take care not to overload them with tasks. Just because they say yes doesn’t mean they actually have sufficient capacity to accomplish additional work; they’ll need your help discerning appropriate limits.
Upholders: Upholders thrive on structure, rules and schedules. They are self-directed and good at managing their own work, particularly when they’re clear about what’s expected. However, they can be rigid when timelines shift and often hesitant to delegate because they don’t trust others to meet their standards. If you’re the boss of Upholders, model compassion and empathy for co-workers with different tendencies.
Questioners: Questioners need to turn external expectations into internal ones. They ask a lot of questions about the rationale for goals and tasks, which can slow progress and frustrate other team members. As the boss, offer Questioners robust explanations about job demands – and set limits on the research and analysis the project needs and can afford them to do.
Rebels: The smallest tendency, Rebels thrive on freedom and spontaneity; under the right circumstances, they can be your most creative employees. As the boss, you can offer Rebel employees what Rubin calls “Information, Consequences, Choice.” This means you’d inform them about what’s being asked of them, clearly describe what would happen if they do or don’t do the task and then let them say yes or no. You might also appeal to their identity, with such questions as, “Would you like to be known as the person who solved this challenge?”
Please reach out if you’d like to talk about a workshop on using the 4T framework in your workplace.